I wish you could order shots online.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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