she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
