I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
