Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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