woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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