The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
