life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
