1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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