I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
