Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
