Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
