so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
