she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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