Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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