You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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