I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
