By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
