I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
