We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
