help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
