She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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