I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
