Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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