she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
