I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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