hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
