i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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