I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
