toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
