no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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