I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize