I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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