Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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