Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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