you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
