I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
