Duck Duck Cougar?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
