It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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