If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize