He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
