Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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