does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
