we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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