Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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