I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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