We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
