This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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