Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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