Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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