he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
