You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
