woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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