I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
