I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
