Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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