You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Randomize
