By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
