I hope mine doesn't look like that
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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