I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
