I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
