so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
