its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
