checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
