i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
