remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
