I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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