He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize