How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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